Personal Community Building

WORK IN PROGRESS! So don’t judge too heavily.

Introduction

I believe that a strong community with a sense of belonging and a sense of being seen/known is the key to a good life and happiness. I believe that with the erosion of various social structures (like religion), there are less pre-formed communities for people to plug into/join. I believe that this is unfortunate, but it gives us the opportunity to take it into our own hands and gather people that we love the most into a community of our own. I call this personal community building and it is a little bit different than traditional community.

Part I: Friendship

I believe that personal community building happens through friendship. You cultivate friendship with individuals but this can be done in a one-on-one or group setting.

How to Cultivate Friendship

• how to find and make friends
  • shared interests/doing an activity together
    • sports
    • reading/watching groups
  • how to create spaces for mixing friend groups
    • hosting!
• how to keep friends
• how to deepen relationships
  • intention or repeated exposure

Why Center Friendship?

• all relationships should be about friendship, even romantic ones
• why is friendship important?
  • loneliness = bad
  • feeling understood and seen = good
• you should center friendships of all types
  • I argue against the idea of “best friends”.

How to Center Friendship

• make time for friends
• make sure romantic partners integrate with your friends
• have keeping and making friends as a top priority (doesn’t have to be #1 tho)

Part II: Community

How to Create Community

• allow people to help others
• gather around a common purpose
• mix friend groups
• allow for and create intimacy/trust

Supplementary Readings

1. Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends by Marisa G. Franco
2. The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center by Rhaina Cohen
3. Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam

https://modernmrsdarcy.com/nonfiction-books-that-will-make-you-a-better-friend/

https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/154413.Better_Friendships_Essential_Nonfiction_on_Friendships